What I’ve learned about Ghanaian funeral culture & grief
In honour of my Grandma Rose ❤️
I’ve been procrastinating writing this piece a lot. But I’ve known that I wanted to write this since I found out my grandma passed away.
For full context, let me rewind to February 2022.
*rewind sound*
In February 2022, I went on a documentary retreat for Black queer filmmakers and writers. I’ve always been really interested in documentaries and I wanted to learn about the basics of making a film. I deeply admire the craft and talent that visual artists of all kinds possess and I still really do want to make a documentary. During that retreat we started developing plans for our documentary ideas. I thought for a long time about what I’d want to make a documentary about and came up with the idea of focusing on Ghanaian funeral culture. Whilst visiting Ghana I’d always been really intrigued about the rows of obituaries that lined the streets. Everywhere you turned you were met with a tribute to a person who had passed away. I wondered how that constant reminder of death played a role in how Ghanaians celebrate life. So that was my documentary idea to follow a family who had just suffered a loss, investigate the process of planning a funeral and experience all the customs that came with a Ghanaian funeral.
The main problem with having a documentary idea around such a personal and sensitive issue is access. Who would actually grant me the access to be a part of this process? At the time, I did not personally know any Ghanaian families who had lost someone.
Fast forward to November 27th 2022, my grandma passed away.
A few hours after I found out about my grandma’s passing, I was talking to an ex and she said “well you wanted to know more about Ghanaian funeral culture….”. And in that moment, I was like shit, this is the most unfortunate way to ease my curiosity but now I have access. Now maybe this part of my reaction was fuelled by grief and shock. Maybe I’m intellectualising my grief and wanting to produce something from it because I have Type A tendencies. But as someone who is deeply interested in people, culture and ancestry; I actually couldn’t help myself.
So this piece is going to be the tale of the two sides of my brain.
One side: The ridiculously curious side which has been furiously taking notes about all the things I’ve learned about my Grandma’s life and the process involved with planning a funeral in Ghana.
The other side: The ridiculously emotional grief stricken side. Grief has had me by a chokehold especially after the funeral. I’d like to share some things that I’m learning through grief, in the hopes of making the conversation about grief feel less like a shameful secret.
Ghanaian funeral culture
Funerals are a massive part of Ghanaian culture. In Ghana funerals are community events. I remember growing up my Mum would go to funerals super regularly. I would be confused as to how she knew so many people who were passing away. When she told me that a funeral she was attending was for a “work friend’s uncle”, this made me realise that funerals are staple social events in many Ghanaians' lives.
Grandma’s life
Ghana has more than 70 tribes and each tribe does funerals in slightly different ways. My Grandma was Krobo which is part of the Ga-Adangbe tribe. My Grandma’s dad was called Nana Korankye Ampaw. He was a Chief of Kukurantumi, Adontenheme of the Akyem Abuakwa Traditional Area. The biggest thing I learned after my Grandma’s passing was that her dad had 8 wives and 51 children. Out of the 51 children, there are only 15 Ampaw siblings left. An Aunty told me that 4 Ampaw siblings passed away in 2022 including my Grandma.
My Grandma’s mum was called Rebecca Afiyoe Soga, she was a baker from Somanya. Somanya was where my Grandma spent a lot of her life as a teacher, where she raised her kids and spent her final days. This was also where her funeral was held.
(My Grandma Rose, My Great-Grandma Rebecca, My Great-Uncle Major in the 1940’s)
Customs to plan a Krobo funeral
In the days after my Grandma’s passing, I would sit and listen to my Uncle’s stories of all the things he had to do in order to announce her death to the wider family and plan her funeral. My Uncle had to go to the family home (which was the house my Great grandma used to live in) and share the news with the family and the wider community. Then people from the community visited the family home to mourn and pray.
My Uncle then had a meeting with the Family Head to announce my Grandma’s passing. So the Head of the Family in Krobo culture is a trusted wise man who may be distantly related to the family with whom big life changes like deaths and marriages are announced to.
So after this my Uncle travelled to Kukurantumi, which is where my Grandma’s dad was from. He needed to announce her passing to the remaining living members of the Ampaw family. Whenever my Uncle went to announce my Grandma’s passing, he had to present the family with drinks.
The final round of announcements were to my Uncle’s in-laws (so my Dad’s family). The first 6 weeks after my Grandma’s passing, I saw how exhausted my Uncle was from all the travelling back and forth to announce this sad news.
December 17th was set as the date of the official family meeting to decide the funeral date. The funeral was set as being the weekend of 10th March. Coincidentally, my return flight to London was meant to be on the 9th of March. I was truly supposed to be in Ghana to see my Grandma before she passed away and lay her to rest.
The funeral
The structure of the funeral was as follows:
The wake on Friday evening. I chose not to view the body because if I did, I wouldn’t be able to sleep. I don’t regret this decision at all.
The Church service and burial on Saturday. The burial was the most peaceful part of the whole weekend. My Grandma was buried next to her brother Major. It was really intimate but also surreal watching her coffin being lowered into the ground. I think that moment really hit me that wow my Grandma was actually gone. But the funeral grounds where she was buried were so beautiful. It was very quiet and surrounded by loads of trees. I found it beautiful how we are born from nature and we truly return to it when we die. I left feeling happy that her physical being gets to chill somewhere so lovely, whilst her soul finds new adventures.
The funeral reception on Saturday. This was the most overwhelming part of the weekend. The funeral reception is mostly about hosting the community so there were approx 500/600 people there. I spent a bit of time thinking about the logistics and cost of feeding that many people. I have a lot of respect for my Mum and Uncle for planning that whole event because wow I had second hand stress for them. On the flip side, I know my Grandma would have loved that so many people showed up to celebrate her life.
Thanksgiving service and reception on Sunday.
Then on the following two weekends, we attended another church service each Sunday.The dress code was all black for the first weekend and black & white for the following Sundays. Traditionally in most Ghanaian tribes you get outfits made in a specific fabric for special occasions like funerals. So the whole family is wearing the same pattern of material.
Grief
Since the funeral, my grief has felt more palpable. I think the whole family was so focused on the funeral going well and now that it has, we’ve all been able to breathe out. But in that exhale comes the realisation that my Grandma isn’t here anymore.
My Grandma has always been a constant in my life. Whether she was in the UK or in Ghana, I knew she was there. Being around her, especially in her elder years, brought me so much peace. So now she’s gone, coupled with all of the other immense changes in my life over the last 18 months, I feel quite unanchored. I also have less emotional capacity for things that drain my energy right now. Grieving has made it easier for me to admit my limitations, which is something I really struggle to do.
So the ways I’ve been dealing with my grief have been through talking to my therapist and my friends. I’ve found it easier to tell my friends that I’m sad because I’m grieving and they always have kind words for me. A lot of the time though I don’t really want to talk about how I’m feeling, I mostly want to be around my people and receive hugs. Being in Ghana during this time has been so helpful for me as I feel closer than ever to my Grandma. I’ve also retreated to the sea a lot in this time and that has felt really healing.
Another major thing that has helped is talking to people around me who have also experienced grief. I think people who know grief intimately are less scared to talk about it. One of my favourite things about someone close to me is how much he talks about his Dad who passed away a few years ago. In our relationship, his Dad feels so alive and their connection feels so strong. This has taught me a lot about how to have a relationship with someone who has passed away. As much as grieving hurts, forgetting hurts even more. I never want to get to a stage where I don’t talk about my Grandma. I always want to honour her memory by sharing parts of myself which have directly derived from my Grandma. To be honest, this whole piece is so indicative of how ingrained my Grandma’s spirit is in me. So much of her is me and the more parts of her I discover in the woman I am, the closer I feel to her and to myself.
A final thing that I watched which really made me feel seen was an interview with Ashley Cain and Brenda Edwards about the loss of their respective children.
I’ve cried at least three times writing this piece but I’m so glad I’ve done it. It may not be a full blown documentary but I’m happy I documented this journey and my Grandma’s life in some way.
Where to eat, drink and be merry in Accra
Happy 2023 and all that good stuff.
I’m back with an update on what I’ve been up to in Accra over the last couple of months. I’ve now been here for just over 4 months. Time has really been flying.
The biggest thing that has happened recently is the infamous Detty December. I had a couple of my faves come visit me and it was a jam packed month. I think my verdict on this December is generally positive. Before the hectic latter part of the month began, my cousin Ange and I took a trip outside of the city for a few days. We went to Kosa beach resort in Ampenyi and relaxed by the beach. It was a much needed getaway and I’m eagerly looking forward to my next trip outside of Accra.
Me living my best lil life on the beach
Once we got back to Accra and the city started to get busier and busier. The level of motives everyday was a tiny bit overwhelming but deeply fun. We were spoiled for choice…from festivals to art exhibitions to all day parties. I feel like I did everything imaginable in December. I think my favourite night out of everything we went to, was definitely New Years Eve. It ended up being a 12 hour extravaganza. We went from Alley Bar to Palm Moments to Republic ending at 11:11 beach club’s party at Laboma Beach. We got home at like 9am and then went to Vine in the evening. It was just the most fun. I think one of my favourite things about partying in Accra over London, is that things never really close. You can really do party after party until the early hours of the morning. There will also always be food available in the club. Whilst in London, most parties finish at 3am, if you are lucky. Also after midnight, it’s very hard to find a good meal in London.
The GH crew ❤️
Myself, Ade, Ange & Carson. Miss them so much
So since all I did was eat and party in December/early January, here are my recommendations for restaurants that I’ve discovered recently.
Treehouse in Osu is chef’s kiss. Such a beautiful ambience and the food is bomb too. My recommendations are the prawn tempura, the crème brûlée and the Rum Base cocktail.
Alley Bar in Osu is a great spot for a night out. The vibes are always good. The honey glazed chicken wings and aphro caipirinha are yummy.
Bôndai in Osu. Omg this place is so pretty. It gives a LA vibes, Mykonos vibes…just such a lovely aesthetic. The food is so nice too. The honey glazed chicken wings and the sushi are 😍
DNR Turkish in East Legon. Literally the best Turkish food and really lovely staff.
Living Room in East Legon. I had such great fufu and groundnut soup here. Pro tip, if you are ordering fufu anywhere, get it as early in the day as possible so it’s super fresh.
If I was a serious food blogger, I would have taken photos and videos of each dish..but I’m just here for vibes lol so save this post for the next time you are in Accra.
I’ve also discovered lots of new tunes during Detty December so my Sounds of Accra playlist has been updated.
I hope you enjoyed this post and stay ready for the next one x
2 Months in Ghana
Why am I in Ghana?
I’ve been in Ghana for over two months now and I’ve finally made the time to share some of my favourite parties, spots and music that I’ve discovered since being here. But before we get into that, it’s quite important for me to talk about why I’m even here. 2022 has been a year, to say the absolute least. I started the year in Ghana with my ex and her family. I had a very layered time on that trip but one thing I was left with was the overwhelming feeling that I needed to be in Ghana for much longer than just 3 weeks.
When that relationship ended, I definitely knew I needed a complete change of scenery and lifestyle. I just needed to put myself first. So going home in October started to feel like the light at the end of a very dark tunnel. As the months went on and I passed through the varying stages of grief after a breakup, going to Ghana felt less like an escape and more like a vital step in reconnecting with myself. My spirit was being called home, in ways I’ve never experienced before. In September, I found out that my Grandma, who lived in Ghana was in hospital so I knew that prioritising spending time with her was incredibly important. Now that she has unfortunately passed away, I’m so glad I listened to my spirit. I got to spend a lot of time with her this year. I was her last grandchild to see her alive. I also feel like she waited for me to come home before she passed. So amidst all the sadness, I feel so blessed.
*rewinds back to my pre-October feelings*
Slowly but surely, my life became more and more untethered from London. I spent a lot of time feeling incredibly anxious about leaving and wondering about what I was leaving behind. But as October 2nd rolled ever closer, it felt like the universe cleared the path of inflexible jobs, strained friendships and a beautiful yet complex romantic situation and I left for Ghana feeling like I was making the best decision possible. I was finally putting my needs first.
A few days before my flight departed I got a really amazing professional opportunity to do research for a dream brand in Accra about youth culture and the creative scene here. So as I said before, things really fell into place. So here I am, running on vibes, working, meeting new people, hanging out with my family and taking care of myself.
Reality of life in Accra
So I want this piece to be balanced and fair in its illustration of what it’s like living in Accra. I also acknowledge my privilege in being a child of the diaspora and not experiencing a lot of the hardships that local Ghanaian people are facing. If you take a look at my social media, Accra looks lit. And it is, but I don’t want to romanticise what life is like here. Ghana has incredibly good PR on the global stage but the lived realities of the people here tell a different story.
Let me give you a quick run through of a handful of the issues Ghana is facing right now:
The Government and the Economic Crisis. The NPP Party led by Nana Akufo-Addo, has led the country into a state of economic ruin. Ghana has the second highest level of economic borrowing in Sub-Saharan Africa. Couple this borrowing with the value of the cedi depreciating at an alarming rate and youth employment rising (Statistica, 2021)…it’s very peak out here.
So we have an economic crisis and we also have a rising inflation rate. So everything from food, fuel and transport are tangibly more expensive. Reactions to this are best described through these tweets compiled by one of my fave Instagram accounts Ghana Twitter.
Source - Ghana Twitter (Tweet 1)
Source - Ghana Twitter (Tweet 2)
It would be short sighted of me to not highlight the Anti LGBTQ+ legislation and conversation that is popular in some circles of Ghanaian society. I’m going to talk more about the creative scene later on but I’ve definitely found myself in a bit of a bubble full of creative, open minded people. This bubble bursts quickly when I read about the Ghanaian government’s inhumane “Proper Human Sexual Rights and Ghanaian Family Values Bill". Organisations like Rightify Ghana and LGBTQ Rights Ghana are doing amazing campaigning work.
I think it’s important from a diasporan’s point of view to not perceive Ghana wearing “the motherland” tinted glasses. This is especially pertinent as we now are in December. In the next few weeks people from the UK and US are going to descend into Accra in search of a good time. Detty December has been prominent in Accra and Lagos for the past few years. “The Year of Return'' which kicked off in 2019 has delivered Ghana’s biggest tourism spike ever. According to BBC News, Ghana saw a 45% increase in tourism in 2019 compared to the previous year. This pumped a staggering $3.1billion into the Ghanaian economy (Statistica, 2021). But the issue with Detty December/The Year of Return is that the poorest people aren’t feeling the material benefits of this tourism push. In fact, this increase in tourists at the end of the year is detrimental to a lot of local Ghanaians. Ghanaians are being priced out of events which are priced at a rate that diasporans can afford. Our poor road infrastructure is exacerbated even further in December. I think this is something that all diasporans should be aware of when returning home. What does your return home look like? How does it impact the lives of local Ghanaians?
Source: Twitter
The creative scene in Accra
In spite of all I’ve said, the creative scene is absolutely thriving here. The level of musical and artistic talent in this city is unmatched.
Every second Thursday at Palm Moments is the motive. Palm Moments is a multi-functional creative space, co-working space and bar with two branches in the Asylum Down and Osu. My fave DJ’s I’ve seen playing at Fake Fridays are: badgalbob, Temple XTD, Emily in Accra.
iMullar, which is a music platform, has a regular event called iMullar soundsystem at Front Back. This is where I heard one of the best B.Frvnkie sets ever. I’ve become a B.Frvnkie stan since being here.
Kakai’s Halloween party was another highlight. The theme was African Fantasy and it was a wonderful excuse for me to try something new with my hair.
Soul singer and all round lovely babe Ria Boss’ solo show which happened at Alliance Francaise was literally a production. She gave us four outfit changes, persona changes and just the most immaculate vibes. Her set design was inspiring and the home videos of her family were really touching.
I say all this to say that despite the government’s BS, the level of talent, entrepreneurship and community here is on another level. This is one thing that I’ve learned this year that the power of community to get shit done, support and uplift is so fucking important.
If you made it this far, I appreciate you. My next update will be in the New Year. Until then, please enjoy this playlist of songs I’ve discovered or fallen in love with whilst being out & about in Accra.