What I’ve learned about Ghanaian funeral culture & grief

In honour of my Grandma Rose ❤️

I’ve been procrastinating writing this piece a lot. But I’ve known that I wanted to write this since I found out my grandma passed away. 

For full context, let me rewind to February 2022.

 *rewind sound*

In February 2022, I went on a documentary retreat for Black queer filmmakers and writers. I’ve always been really interested in documentaries and I wanted to learn about the basics of making a film. I deeply admire the craft and talent that visual artists of all kinds possess and I still really do want to make a documentary. During that retreat we started developing plans for our documentary ideas. I thought for a long time about what I’d want to make a documentary about and came up with the idea of focusing on Ghanaian funeral culture. Whilst visiting Ghana I’d always been really intrigued about the rows of obituaries that lined the streets. Everywhere you turned you were met with a tribute to a person who had passed away. I wondered how that constant reminder of death played a role in how Ghanaians celebrate life. So that was my documentary idea to follow a family who had just suffered a loss, investigate the process of planning a funeral and experience all the customs that came with a Ghanaian funeral. 

The main problem with having a documentary idea around such a personal and sensitive issue is access. Who would actually grant me the access to be a part of this process? At the time, I did not personally know any Ghanaian families who had lost someone. 

Fast forward to November 27th 2022, my grandma passed away. 

A few hours after I found out about my grandma’s passing, I was talking to an ex and she said “well you wanted to know more about Ghanaian funeral culture….”. And in that moment, I was like shit, this is the most unfortunate way to ease my curiosity but now I have access. Now maybe this part of my reaction was fuelled by grief and shock. Maybe I’m intellectualising my grief and wanting to produce something from it because I have Type A tendencies. But as someone who is deeply interested in people, culture and ancestry; I actually couldn’t help myself. 

So this piece is going to be the tale of the two sides of my brain.

One side: The ridiculously curious side which has been furiously taking notes about all the things I’ve learned about my Grandma’s life and the process involved with planning a funeral in Ghana. 

The other side: The ridiculously emotional grief stricken side. Grief has had me by a chokehold especially after the funeral. I’d like to share some things that I’m learning through grief, in the hopes of making the conversation about grief feel less like a shameful secret.

Ghanaian funeral culture

Funerals are a massive part of Ghanaian culture. In Ghana funerals are community events. I remember growing up my Mum would go to funerals super regularly. I would be confused as to how she knew so many people who were passing away. When she told me that a funeral she was attending was for a “work friend’s uncle”,  this made me realise that funerals are staple social events in many Ghanaians' lives. 

Grandma’s life

Ghana has more than 70 tribes and each tribe does funerals in slightly different ways. My Grandma was Krobo which is part of the Ga-Adangbe tribe. My Grandma’s dad was called Nana Korankye Ampaw. He was a Chief of Kukurantumi, Adontenheme of the Akyem Abuakwa Traditional Area. The biggest thing I learned after my Grandma’s passing was that her dad had 8 wives and 51 children. Out of the 51 children, there are only 15 Ampaw siblings left. An Aunty told me that 4 Ampaw siblings passed away in 2022 including my Grandma. 

My Grandma’s mum was called Rebecca Afiyoe Soga, she was a baker from Somanya. Somanya was where my Grandma spent a lot of her life as a teacher, where she raised her kids and spent her final days. This was also where her funeral was held. 

(My Grandma Rose, My Great-Grandma Rebecca, My Great-Uncle Major in the 1940’s)

Customs to plan a Krobo funeral 

In the days after my Grandma’s passing, I would sit and listen to my Uncle’s stories of all the things he had to do in order to announce her death to the wider family and plan her funeral. My Uncle had to go to the family home (which was the house my Great grandma used to live in) and share the news with the family and the wider community. Then people from the community visited the family home to mourn and pray. 

My Uncle then had a meeting with the Family Head to announce my Grandma’s passing. So the Head of the Family in Krobo culture is a trusted wise man who may be distantly related to the family with whom big life changes like deaths and marriages are announced to. 

So after this my Uncle travelled to Kukurantumi, which is where my Grandma’s dad was from. He needed to announce her passing to the remaining living members of the Ampaw family. Whenever my Uncle went to announce my Grandma’s passing, he had to present the family with drinks. 

The final round of announcements were to my Uncle’s in-laws (so my Dad’s family). The first 6 weeks after my Grandma’s passing, I saw how exhausted my Uncle was from all the travelling back and forth to announce this sad news. 

December 17th was set as the date of the official family meeting to decide the funeral date. The funeral was set as being the weekend of 10th March. Coincidentally, my return flight to London was meant to be on the 9th of March. I was truly supposed to be in Ghana to see my Grandma before she passed away and lay her to rest.

The funeral

The structure of the funeral was as follows:

• The wake on Friday evening. I chose not to view the body because if I did, I wouldn’t be able to sleep. I don’t regret this decision at all.  

• The Church service and burial on Saturday. The burial was the most peaceful part of the whole weekend. My Grandma was buried next to her brother Major. It was really intimate but also surreal watching her coffin being lowered into the ground. I think that moment really hit me that wow my Grandma was actually gone. But the funeral grounds where she was buried were so beautiful. It was very quiet and surrounded by loads of trees. I found it beautiful how we are born from nature and we truly return to it when we die. I left feeling happy that her physical being gets to chill somewhere so lovely, whilst her soul finds new adventures.

• The funeral reception on Saturday. This was the most overwhelming part of the weekend. The funeral reception is mostly about hosting the community so there were approx 500/600 people there. I spent a bit of time thinking about the logistics and cost of feeding that many people. I have a lot of respect for my Mum and Uncle for planning that whole event because wow I had second hand stress for them. On the flip side, I know my Grandma would have loved that so many people showed up to celebrate her life. 

• Thanksgiving service and reception on Sunday.
  Then on the following two weekends, we attended another church service each Sunday.

  The dress code was all black for the first weekend and black & white for the following Sundays. Traditionally in most Ghanaian tribes you get outfits made in a specific fabric for special occasions like funerals. So the whole family is wearing the same pattern of material.

Grief

Since the funeral, my grief has felt more palpable. I think the whole family was so focused on the funeral going well and now that it has, we’ve all been able to breathe out. But in that exhale comes the realisation that my Grandma isn’t here anymore. 

My Grandma has always been a constant in my life. Whether she was in the UK or in Ghana, I knew she was there. Being around her, especially in her elder years, brought me so much peace. So now she’s gone, coupled with all of the other immense changes in my life over the last 18 months, I feel quite unanchored. I also have less emotional capacity for things that drain my energy right now. Grieving has made it easier for me to admit my limitations, which is something I really struggle to do. 

So the ways I’ve been dealing with my grief have been through talking to my therapist and my friends. I’ve found it easier to tell my friends that I’m sad because I’m grieving and they always have kind words for me. A lot of the time though I don’t really want to talk about how I’m feeling, I mostly want to be around my people and receive hugs. Being in Ghana during this time has been so helpful for me as I feel closer than ever to my Grandma. I’ve also retreated to the sea a lot in this time and that has felt really healing.

Another major thing that has helped is talking to people around me who have also experienced grief. I think people who know grief intimately are less scared to talk about it. One of my favourite things about someone close to me is how much he talks about his Dad who passed away a few years ago. In our relationship, his Dad feels so alive and their connection feels so strong. This has taught me a lot about how to have a relationship with someone who has passed away. As much as grieving hurts, forgetting hurts even more. I never want to get to a stage where I don’t talk about my Grandma. I always want to honour her memory by sharing parts of myself which have directly derived from my Grandma. To be honest, this whole piece is so indicative of how ingrained my Grandma’s spirit is in me. So much of her is me and the more parts of her I discover in the woman I am, the closer I feel to her and to myself. 

A final thing that I watched which really made me feel seen was an interview with Ashley Cain and Brenda Edwards about the loss of their respective children. 

I’ve cried at least three times writing this piece but I’m so glad I’ve done it. It may not be a full blown documentary but I’m happy I documented this journey and my Grandma’s life in some way.